Tripping Over Curtains THE REAL DEAL!
by SLYSWN
Summary: Nnoitra is an unhappy groom to be and then he meets Ichigo. Full summary inside
1. Chapter 1

()()()()()()

**Disclaimer: For every berry there must be a Nnoitra-sama. But there's only one berry that Nnoitra wants and that's Ichigo. Or so the fangirls like me say anyway. Kubo-sensei just puts the ideas in our heads.**

**Authors Note: This is Nnoitra's version. Anything that goes unexplained in this version will be explained in Ichigo's version. **

**Warnings: AU, Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation, etc etc**

**Characters: Nnoitra, Ichigo, Nel, Others**

**Pairings: NnoitraxIchigo, one-sided NelxNnoitra, past NnoitraxOthers, past NnoitraxTelsa, past OthersIchi, slight StarrkxGrimmjow**

Summary: _Nnoitra is an unhappy groom-to-be, forced into a loveless arrangement in order to fulfill his father's dying wish. One week before his wedding, he meets Ichigo, a tailor at the tuxedo shop. As coat hangers and sparks fly, will Nnoitra remain loyal to his bride to be and be able to resist temptation?_

_**Tripping Over Curtains (Nnoitra's Version)**_

_**UBER BERRY COLLECTION #1 (NnoitraxIchigo)**_

The Request

The whole thing was stupid if you asked Nnoitra. The guy wasn't even his real father. Why the hell should it be his duty to fulfill the old man's dying wish and marry the mayor's daughter?

He half expected this to be some sort of prank since after all old man Kariya (he never addressed him as father) was only in his late forties.

There were very few wrinkles beneath his crimson red eyes. He had a full head of hair even if it was completely silver. He was fit for his age, had a clean bill of health and recently remarried again.

The woman was pretty enough with her ruby red lips, chiffon bun, collared shirt and pencil skirt-a modern day business woman if he ever saw one-

Yes Ran Tao was leaps and bounds better than the old man's last wife.

Nnoitra could still picture the woman's apple green hair and loud orange and white nylon body suit. Oh sure Kuna Mashiro had been nice, amusing even but she also reminded him of a 9 year old girl at the circus.

Constantly leaping and flying through the air, making noises with her collector's edition light saber. (Apparently during her time in America, she had become a major Star Wars fanatic)

"Why are you asking me to do this? Why not ask Shinji?"

"Now Nnoitra you know full well that your brother is a womanizer, he'd never agree to settling down."

"Yeah well ya got another thing comin' if you think I'm going anywhere near that spoiled brat."

He met the mayor's daughter a little over half a year ago while he was standing in line for movie tickets. It had been his fault really, if only he hadn't grabbed her ass while he was drunk—

"Nel is a very bright and high spirited young woman. Trust me she's exactly what you need after your disastrous break up with that last _thing_ you brought home." 

"Oh now Jin, Tesla-kun wasn't that bad."

"The way he trailed after Nnoitra like a puppy was sickening and disgraceful."

It wasn't an exaggeration. Tesla had been quite enraptured with him for quite awhile. Still sent Nnoitra little luv-luv packages every now and then.

Never mind that Nnoitra never bothered to even open them. The doorbell rang and into the trash it would go.

"I thought it was sweet. Besides I seem to recall a certain someone mentioning a young lad who was hopelessly devoted to him.

Oh yes Ichinose Maki there was an obsessed fan boy if Nnoitra ever saw one. He once took pity on the guy and helped him release some pent up tension.

It was down right hilarious that old man Kariya would walk in just moments before Maki came down from his high.

"Don't be stupid Ran Tao," crimson eyes flashed for a minute "That was different."

"How was it different?"

Nnoitra and Kariya shared a look.

"You're missing the point." Kariya reached for Nnoitra's hand "I don't care who you fool around with on the side but I expect grandchildren."

"Who gives a damn what you want? I won't do it!"

"Nnoitra, sweetie,"

(Gods he hated when she called him that. There was nothing sweet about him.)

"What?"

Nnoitra practically spat at the woman.

"Perhaps we can find some kind of compromise?"

Gods how he just wanted to stab her soul searching brown eyes with a spork!

"We don't have time for a compromise," Kariya turned his head to the side and started heaving violently. After a copious amount of vomiting, he returned to the conversation "Stop being so selfish and just do this for me. Get married and have one or two kids and I can rest peacefully in my grave."

"Fine. I'll do it but no brats. It's bad enough I'm going to be tied down to some spoiled wench I'm not bringing babies into the mix."

"But I want grandchildren!"

Nnoitra had never heard old man Kariya whine in his life maybe the man really was dying.

Still—

"That's not my problem. You want a bunch of grandchildren even though you're about to kick the bucket in a few days then call up that daughter of yours."

'Ririn-chan? But she's only 17."

"So, she's been spreading her legs since she turned 14."

"Nnoitra!"

"No she's my little girl."

"There's nothing little about that bird like beak of hers."

"Oh Nnoitra honestly."

"Take it or leave it old man."

()()()()()()

Brunch

3 weeks later

"And that was how I wound up being engaged to that _thing _over there with the sea green hair."

"I don't think it's very nice of you to call your fiancé a thing, Nnoitra."

"You like her so much you take her."

"Now wait just a minute, you can't talk about that young woman like she's some kind of meat to be chewed up and spit back out."

Nnoitra rolled his eyes. This is why he kept his distance from Mila-Rose and Apache.

Mila-Rose, the self-proclaimed Arabian princess, always putting her nose in all of his affairs even when he didn't ask for her opinion.

And Apache, the out, loud and proud lipstick lesbian who chased anything with boobs.

It was only because he had known the two ladies from grade school that Nnoitra chose to keep in contact with them. He should have never agreed to meet them for brunch.

Never should have agreed to invite them to the wedding let alone ask them to be Neliel's (Gods it was stupid name, reminded him of a retarded unicorn) bridesmaids.

Apache had readily agreed, probably because she couldn't wait to fondle the future bride.

And Mila-Rose had agreed because she had a bet going on this little forced arrangement. And why?

"You don't know the meaning of commitment anymore than your half brother does."

How dare she compare him to that disco dancing, boa wearing crunch munch poster boy!

Shinji was the male equivalent off a trashy blond street hooker.

Nnoitra hadn't seen the guy in over a year. Last he heard, Shinji was off filming an independent movie with his college friends, Urahara and Yoruichi or whatever.

"Like I give two shits. I'll say my vows, pump her, dump her and call it day."

Apache glared at him, the vein above her left eye throbbing.

"Over my dead body."

Nnoitra grinned nastily "That can be arranged and hey I'll be killin' two fuckin' birds with one stone. Maybe a little time in the slammer will—

Mila-Rose cut him off "Are you even listening to yourself? Contrary to popular belief, life behind bars is not like some episode of 'Candy Boy Lock-Down'

Apache folded her napkin into a tiny little star "I still think that show would be much better if Noba-chan were a chick, I mean think how much higher the ratings would be."

"You just want Noba-chan to grow boobs so you can have your fantasy fulfilled of having Risa fall in love with him."

"Shut up! Christ you bitches are annoying. It's called Candy Boy Lock-Down for a reason-if you want chick action go watch Rugs."

Apache raised a curious brow "Rugs?"

Mila-Rose made a sound of disgust "Rugs is that trashy nighttime drama made up by that horny old widow who has nothing better to do with her time beside subject beautiful women to exposing their bodies just so they can entice lezies who have just come out of the closet or simply wish to experiment. It's a mockery if you ask me, because I know for a fact the majority of the cast are made up of straight married women.

"Hmm. Well are they hot?"

Nnoitra was growing tiered of discussing the favorite past time of carpet munchers.

He downed the last of his Bloody Mary and rose to his feet.

"Leaving so soon?"

"Damn right I am, if I have to sit here and listen to more of your useless prattle I think I'll drive a spork through my ear drums."

"How can you-ugh never mind come on Apache, Halibel-sama expects us to be at the gallery by noon and its already 11:35am and I still have to stop by the apartment and feed Yammy.

"You feed that fat ass dog any more and he won't be able to fit into his little dog house."

Mila-Rose sneered, "Yammy is just a little chubby like most pups."

Pups? Yeah right, poodles were pups. Mila-Roses' British bulldog was at least 30 pounds overweight.

()()()()()

Stupid Bride-To-Be. Ugly Dress to Burn

Pink. Fucking Pink!

There was no way in hell that he was wearing a hideous fucking pink tuxedo.

"No."

"Oh but babe you have to. It's always been my dream to have a Barbie color coordinated wedding. I can't wear the pink dress because it would clash with my hair."

Neliel was seriously fucking stupid.

"Then dye your hair."

"Don't be silly. I've already picked out the perfect gown to match my unique hair color."

()()()()

They were at Neliel's loft. There was no way in the seven levels of Hades that he was letting the little cunt anywhere near his private sanctuary.

She was standing in front of the mirror adjusting her necklace before turning to him.

"So what do you think?"

"It's lavender."

"No it's not silly. It's sea green. Isn't it pretty?"

The dress had no shape what so ever. Reminded him of a potato sack or a see-through trash bag. Lace, feathers, sequins and silky ribbons lined the sleeves and the hem. It was LAVENDER.

"It's perfect isn't it babe?"

Why the fuck did she keep calling him that? He wasn't a fuckin' animal on a farm!

Neliel started spinning around the room in her tacky dress.

"But you know the more I think about it the more I'm beginning to realize that maybe I shouldn't just settle for one wedding dress because daddy said—

Nnoitra tuned out the rest of her babbling.

When would the torture end?

Oh right 2 weeks from now. Yes two weeks from now Nnoitra would be a free man again.

He'd be married to the stupid twat but only on paper. Outside of that he wanted nothing to do with her.

"So anyway I'm thinking we should have our honey moon in the south of France or maybe Italy? Whichever, all I know is it has to be absolutely perfect and positively romantic. Then again maybe we could go somewhere more secluded like Egypt? Hey do you think if I ask really nicely Cleopatra will let me wear her crown?"

()()()()()

First Encounter

"Welcome to LuxTux! Did you need any help finding anything today?"

"Well for starters," Neliel tossed several shopping bags at Nnoitra "Hold that for me would you babe?"

He glared at the back of her skull as she bent over the counter to address the guy behind it.

He appeared to be searching for something on the floor and his voice was less than enthusiastic "Name?"

"Ahem," Neliel cleared her throat "You will do me the common courtesy of looking at me when I'm speaking to you."

"Sorry."

He stood up.

Shocking bright orange hair.

Thin, naturally arched similar colored brows. Black eyeliner made cinnamon and coffee colored eyes even more striking.

Face, soft boyish and peach fuzz free.

17 or 18?

Average height, average weight, the lilac dress shirt and silver vest were a little more fruit-tastic than he'd normally like but—

That ass. Nnoitra hadn't seen an ass like that in a good long time.

Now all he had to do was get Neliel to go far, far away.

"Name?"

"I didn't make the call. One of my servants did."

"Alright and what name did this servant of yours leave?"

Neliel scrunched her nose up in distaste "How should I know? Why don't you look it up on your computer or whatever?"

"Well Miss I need a name. I can't just give you some random box when—

Neliel rolled her eyes at the younger male "Can I just speak to your manager or something?"

"My manager is out of town at the moment."

"Oh is he? Well then I guess I'll just come back later," Neliel flicked her long sea-green pony tail over her shoulder and grabbed her bags back from Nnoitra "Come on babe, having to explain myself to this idiot has made me thirsty."

Nnoitra wasn't going anywhere.

Running into this fine piece of grade A ass was the best thing that had happened all day-no all week.

Neliel stomped her foot angrily "Come on babe!"

Oh now she was whining. He was so tempted to slap her but instead—

Nnoitra plastered a fake grin on his face, reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He handed it to his headache- inducing bride-to-be. "Here Neliel, go get your self whatever you want. I'll meet up with you in an hour or two."

Her bottom lip quivered "B-But y-you promised you'd take me to the mall."

"I'll take you to the mall tomorrow. Now go."

"Can I have a kiss first?"

He didn't want to put his lips any where near her mouth-hell he didn't want his put his lips anywhere near any part of her body.

But once again he gave in and gave her a quick peck on her forehead and then sent her way.

()()()()()

Speechless

"So are you gonna continue to stand there gawking at me all day or did you need something?"

It was the strangest thing that Nnoitra could recall ever happening. He couldn't for the life of him find a witty retort.

Irritated with himself, he stormed out of the tuxedo ship with out saying another word.

()()()()()

Strawberry

"What's wrong babe? You've been so quiet ever since we left LuxTux."

"I'm fine. Just finish your food."

Nnoitra knew it was pointless since Neliel wasn't really eating at all. She pushed her food around on her plate and was nibbling on small bits of bread.

"Don't lie to me I know a sad face when I see one." she moved out from her side of the booth and over to his.

He didn't bother to hide his glare this time. It didn't help that she tried to be cute and brush her foot up against his ankle under the table. Voice sounding breathy and rehearsed, "Wanna go back to my place? We could go in the hot tub and relax a little?"

Was she really trying to seduce him with garlic breath and corn crusted feet?

Nnoitra downed his strawberry daiquiri-he normally didn't drink such a fruit-tastic beverage but for some reason he had a taste for it ever since he left the tuxedo shop.

"Hurry up and finish your food. I'm taking you to get a pedicure."

_**And possibly a brain transplant?**_

Neliel reached up to give him a kiss.

He nearly gagged.

()()()()()()

Chatty Cathy

On top of being annoying and unhygienic Neliel just had to babble on her mini phone for hours and hours throughout the day.

"We're getting married on Friday."

"No not this Friday silly, the Friday after the next Friday."

"Uh huh, uh huh I know right."

"Oh he's just wonderful."

"Yes I'm looking at him right now."

"I sure did."

"Mm hmm, yeah he is."

"Hehehe oh you are so bad."

"Mm hmm I know."

"Oh you wish."

"Not on your life."

"Okay see you then."

"Ya toodles hun!"

Toodles? Who the fuck said toodles anymore?

Better yet why the hell had he agreed to come back to her loft?

Oh yeah that's right because Neliel's parents were on their way over.

()()()()()()

The Rents

"So Nnoitra-kun, Nel tells us that you're between jobs right now?"

First of all Nnoitra was a grown man. He did not appreciate having _'kun'_ attached to his name. And secondly-who the hell did this guy think he was?

What business was it of his what Nnoitra did or didn't do during the day?

"No daddy you've got it all wrong. Nnoitra isn't in between jobs, he's a building contractor right babe?"

Was it really necessary for her to keep holding his hand and squeezing it? Her fucking nails were digging right into his skin.

"A building contractor? Really?"

"Oh Shun honestly stop with the interrogation. Nnoitra is a fine young man and we're happy to have him join our family."

Neliel's parents.

The mayor and his wife.

Kyoraku Shunsui and Ise Nanao.

Well for starters they looked nothing like Neliel.

Both having dark hair, dark eyes and a certain level of intelligence that Neliel could never hope to gain.

It was quite possible that (much like himself) Neliel had been adopted.

It certainly explained a few things about her character and behavior patterns.

Not that Nnoitra gave a damn about such things.

He was just making observations in order to make the time pass more quickly.

()()()()()

Second Encounter

When Nnoitra returned to LuxTux, Neliel (thankfully) had not come along this time-he noticed a few things.

The shop was busy today.

The orange punk was not behind the counter like he had been the last time. He was off to the side near the back of the store helping out a group of rowdy bachelors and the (lucky or maybe not-so lucky-it was difficult to say) groom to be.

"Welcome to LuxTux! I'm Luppi. How can I help you today?"

Gods how Nnoitra absolutely loathed overly cheery and 'helpful" sales clerks. If he fucking needed something he would ask. Otherwise shut your mouth and go back to your tiny little corner or something.

The heavily powdered too feminine to be considered a truly masculine face. The sparkling bluish-purple eyes. The pink lip gloss. The rainbow striped dress shirt and pants. The open toed girly shoes.

Sure Nnoitra him self liked to dress up every now and then, a little nail polish, some heels, a pricey wig-if and when he was going to a costume party.

It just didn't make any sense to a guy like him. Why did some guys choose to dress like women? What exactly was so great about women in the first place?

Half the time they smelled either like rotten fish or like they dumped an entire bottle of uber expensive perfume on their bodies.

They were so clingy. Wouldn't even let a man watch his favorite sports program with out whining about how he should pay more attention to her.

They were also sickeningly insecure and jealous. If a guy so much as looked at another chick, his own woman would go bat shit crazy.

Yet he didn't say anything when she'd parade around half naked with her older brother and his dorm mates.

"You can help me by getting the fuck out of my face, that's how you can help me."

Was he being rude?

Damn right he was being rude.

He just didn't have the patience and hated oh 99.9 percent of the population.

The poor little effeminate looking bastard actually jumped back a few feet before scurrying off to some other part of the shop.

The sound of laughter reached Nnoitra's ears. One was loud and boisterous. And the other was lower and lazy.

Beady black eyes scanned the room before zeroing in on the owners of each laugh.

Two of the tallest men in the room (barring the groom-to-be (a tattoo-ed redhead) and him self of course-(then again wasn't he also technically a groom-to be?)

Well anyway the loud and boisterous one appeared to be about 6'1. His hair wild, uncombed and electric blue in color, eyes, cat like in shape and also electric blue. The silky black dress shirt and loose slacks did not hide his rippling abs and strong legs.

The other one appeared to be somewhere around 6-3 or 6-4 (Nnoitra really didn't give a damn-he still towered over this guy just as he towered over the majority of the population) Along with his lazy laughter, he had wavy dark brown hair, sleepy eyes and a slight goatee. The three-piece black and red tuxedo he was wearing showcased the kind of muscle mass that most women drooled over.

Looking at both men's body language and the matching silver rings on their fingers- Nnoitra came to a conclusion.

They were a couple.

A couple that seemed to find his irritation enjoyable and entertaining.

Nnoitra had a temper.

He did not like to be the butt of a joke.

He did not appreciate some no-named punks talking about or talking back to him.

He would not tolerate it.

Ever.

()()()()()()

Did Nnoitra enjoy intimidating others?

Hell yeah he did!

Nasty grin in place he marched over to the two rude employees fully intending to put them in their place.

()()()()()()

He introduced himself by shoving his fist right into each of their faces.

Scowling when a few specs of blood got on his jacket.

The dumbfounded expressions on their faces just made Nnoitra want to hit them even harder.

He raised his fist ready to strike again when all of a sudden a body, a measly 5'9 blocked him.

Not used to having his blow blocked it took Nnoitra a moment to realize who it was that had stepped in between the one-sided pummeling.

The orange haired punk.

Coffee and cinnamon colored eyes were narrowed into thin slits, glaring up at him.

His voice was low and dangerous, the slight rasp that Nnoitra had heard before was even more noticeable now.

"What the _**fuck**_ do you think are doing?"

It was strange-he should want to beat the little shit with in an inch of what was surely a short life and yet-and yet he couldn't.

Or rather Nnoitra didn't want to beat the shit out of this orange haired punk.

No. He wanted something else.

Something much more satisfying.

"What time does your shift end?"

()()()()()

LOVE-LUST AT FIRST STRIKE

The little bitch hit him.

Not just a tiny slap or a good solid punch.

No the little bitch had sent him flying across the room and out the door.

Nnoitra was livid.

Livid and hornier than he had been in ages.

It was decided at that moment.

Yes at that moment Nnoitra knew that he had found his pet.

Not just a temporary pet-a long-term pet.

His pet had a sharp and dangerous set of claws.

Claws that he would remove one by one.

()()()()()()

Teapot

The thing about women-always so over the top dramatic.

Neliel dropped her porcelain teapot on the floor when she opened the door to find him standing there with ripped clothes and bloody gashes.

"Oh my god! Babe what happened?"

Perhaps it was the headache talking but Nnoitra could swear the woman's voice sounded twice as ear grating today.

He pushed past her and made his way into the house, setting off in search of the bathroom.

Why he had come to her place and not gone to his own?

He honestly couldn't say.

On his way back, even though he was driving, he had no real destination in mind.

Thoughts had been preoccupied with his future pet.

He already decided that he would go back there tomorrow and find out the orange haired punks name.

Drag Neliel along with him. Maybe this time she'd actually know what to ask for.

Like it or not he was getting married. And he would be expected to wear a tuxedo.

()()()()

Third Encounter

Navy blue and white pinstriped suit today. Well it was much better than the lilac dress shirt but did the punk have to wear so much damn eyeliner?

Still Nnoitra would be able to enjoy this moment even more if Neliel wasn't still clinging to his arm like a damn leech.

"Back for round 3 are you?"

The younger male snorted with amusement.

"Hi I'm Neliel, the bride to be. I spoke over the phone with a Kira-kun I believe?"

Voice sweeter than the world's most headache and cavity inducing sugar. The bride to be was all bright smiles today.

Neliel apparently had a terrible memory or couldn't tell one bleached punk apart from another. Then again-this particular punk was different.

Not that Nnoitra could place what it was that separated said punk from the others-what made him special-but the guy had to be special if he managed to do what no one else had ever done.

Leave him speechless and 2) Hit him and actually leave a gash and a few bruises. His head still felt tender in some spots. Which is why he opted to wear a hat today-a French beret to be exact-one of the few presents from Tesla worth keeping-not that he'd ever tell the blond that.

"Babe why don't you look around and see if anything catches your eye? I'm sure he can help you out can't you?"

Nnoitra wasn't even paying attention to Neliel. "Just go speak to whoever it was you wanted to speak to Neliel, I'll wait here."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Now go."

She ran over to him and even in her 6-inch stilettos and on her tiptoes, Neliel had to struggle in order to kiss him.

He almost smacked her straight across the face when she grabbed him by the back of his head-but reigned in his anger.

Last thing Nnoitra needed was to be lectured by a bunch of fruits (correction _unmanly_ fruits such as himself) about how he should treat a lady.

He wiped his mouth when she turned the corner.

The orange haired punk was giving him a look that clearly said 'Wow I pity you.'

Nnoitra did not like that look-not at all.

"I see that your black eye is all healed up now. You'll have to forgive me for the other day. I had way too much coffee that morning."

Well if that wasn't the lamest excuse he had ever heard—

"Okay, okay so I was lying just now. I don't even drink coffee." A cocky grin "I'll tell you what though, now that the amazon wannabe chick is out of the picture why don't you follow me to the back room?"

Oh? So the punk was one of those types was he?

"First things first. Name?"

"I'm Ichigo. You want to find out more, you'll follow me to the backroom."

The fact that once again Nnoitra did not feel the urge to hit this cocky punk made him question himself.

'_Am I losing my touch or something? Why don't I want to hit him? I should want to hit him.'_

It was ridiculous. Irritating.

He had to stop being so damn lame.

What the hell happened to—

'_Ah ha I've got it!'_

Still not all the way there. Nnoitra was not the kind of guy to say 'ah ha'…

Scowling at his own stupidity, Nnoitra concentrated on channeling his short tempered self-well that was one way to describe it—

Gripping the younger male by his loud orange hair, snapping his neck back (not enough to permanently damage the punk, just enough to sting, to let the strawberry know who he was messing with.

"Want me to follow ya to the back huh? I'll make you my pet ya filthy little slut!" A nasty grin "And the very idea excites you doesn't it Ichi?"

The glare was more cute than intimidating.

"That's right pet. You'll soon discover why they call me Nnoitra Jiruga."

Okay now he was kinda of pulling shit out of his own ass but its not like Ichi had to know that Nnoitra had no real social life since dropping out of college after 3 years of complete and utter boredom.

And Ichi didn't have to know that Nnoitra's guardian (using the term loosely-since he was a fucking grown man and old man Kariya had never done much for him after his 16th birthday) was a retired member of the Yakuza in Sereitei. Who cared about stuff like that anyway?

"Think that your little girly lashes and puckered asshole can erase everything?" He grabbed said ass and delighted in the squeak that came out of his pet's mouth. "Certainly is a good place to start."

He had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing out. One too many late night 'dramas' for him.

"Nnoitra, babe, Kira-kun here has helped me narrow it down to two possible tuxedo's that you can wear on our wedding day."

Damn it! Not now.

Nnoitra didn't even bother to turn around, he just waved his hand dismissively "Yeah, yeah that's fine. Whatever."

It was pointless to argue. Neliel would make him look like a jackass because she had terrible taste.

"No. You said you didn't want to be the Ken to my Barbie so I've been kind enough to come back here and select something else. Now choose. Would you prefer tropical tangerine or sunset sorbet?"

Orange? Fuckin Orange?

He looked terrible in orange.

On top of everything else it appeared his moronic bride to be had no concept of what a realistic wedding should be. She was too busy daydreaming about plastic dolls with either little or no genitalia.

"What are we suddenly having a Halloween themed wedding Neliel?"

Neliel giggled. "Of course not babe, we're having a Barbie Beach wedding. I contacted Pesche and he agreed to make me another dress. This one will be periwinkle blue with white ribbons. I'll show it to you when we get back home."

Home?

Why did she keep calling her place home?

Nnoitra only had one home. His home. And he still hadn't let her into to it-nor would he ever.

The punk snickered. "Barbie Beach theme wedding? Wow could that be any more gay?"

"And you'd know all about that wouldn't you—

The little bitch started walking off, clearly not interested in what Nnoitra had to say.

"If you got something else to say. You know where to find me."

WTF?

He should grab the little shit.

First beat him to a pulp.

Beat him til the little bitch couldn't stand up.

Spank his pet until he begs for it to stop.

Chain him to his King Size bed and—

Why the fuck was he just standing here then?

Why hadn't he chased after the punk?

Chasing wasn't even necessary-with his naturally long limbs-arms in this case-it would be no contest he could catch Ichi in a few seconds.

And yet here he stood like a dumb ass (once again) and just watched as that all too perfect ass disappeared from view.

"Babe which one?"

"I don't care Neliel. Why don't you dress me up in a peacock costume for all I care."

He needed a drink.

Neliel looked thoughtful for a moment (which was practically a miracle in itself)

"Hm well I don't know about a peacock costume but I'm sure I could contact Yumi-san and ask him to lend us a few of his prized peacocks for the big day. He does owe me after all and daddy said—

Once again Nnoitra tuned out the rest of Neliel's babbling.

It was time to think of a plan.

He wanted to catch Ichi-pet and corner him.

But in order to do this he'd have to get everyone else (including Neliel-no especially Neliel) to leave.

It was still early in the day and the shop didn't close until 8 so maybe he could wait until most of the employees left and—

"Come on babe I told the caterers we'd met them around 3."

"Caterers?"

"Of course. We have to decide on a menu and pick out a cake and—

"I don't like cake."

"But babe," Once again she was attached to his arm "You have to help me pick out a cake. Daddy says that the bride and groom should—

"Fine whatever. Let's go see these caterers or whatever."

"Really? Promise?"

"Yes and then I'll drop you off at the art gallery. I know how much you've been looking forward to seeing Apache and MilaRose again."

Neliel squealed in delight and then finally separated herself from him.

"Let me just go tell Kira-kun that we've decided to take both and I—

"Do whatever you need to Neliel. I actually need to use the bathroom. There's one in the back right?"

"Hm I think so. Just a sec," Neliel turned away from him and addressed one of the other employees.

Blue-black colored hair. Glasses. About one inch shorter than Ichi. Similar body type to Ichi but smaller boned, less muscle mass. Just another male that Nnoitra could easily snap like a twig.

"Ishida-kun where is your bathroom?"

"Straight back, first door on the left right before the emergency exit staircase."

Without thanking his bride to be and the pompous looking employee Nnoitra set off towards the bathroom.

()()()

Not Shy

A tiny silver hoop with a tiny blue jewel.

Ichi had a pierced cock. Well that was pretty sexy.

And completely unexpected.

And apparently the orange hair wasn't bleach after all but 100 percent natural.

Still to whip it out in public was—

"Having fun pet?"

It was nice to make others jump-especially when they flushed so deliciously red like Ichi was doing right now.

Still he seemed quite confident in himself-even though Ichi jumped he had made no move to cover himself up or—

"You can stay and watch. It's more fun with an audience anyway."

"All look and no touch is that it pet?"

The cocky smirk from earlier returned "Well you're certainly a big talker but I'm not sure I'm fully convinced that you'd even _know_ how to touch me."

Ooh a challenge.

Yes Ichi was something special indeed.

"Babe? Nnoitra? BABE!"

Could some one please just gut her now? Then at last Nnoitra could be at peace?

Ichi snorted in amusement. "Looks like your woman is calling you again. Better go to her."

FUCK.

Nnoitra snarled, "This isn't over." And then stomped out of the bathroom."

()()()

"Everything okay babe?"

No everything was not fuckin' okay.

He was fucking pissed and horny and it was a damn good thing he opted to wear the single pair of baggy butt sagging pants he had in his drawer.

"Fine," Nnoitra hissed out through gritted teeth "Ready to go?"

Neliel attached herself to his arm and squeezed him tightly "Oh babe I can't wait until the big day. I've been dreaming about this since I was a little girl."

He heard a chorus of dreamy sighs from behind him and decided enough was enough.

Without another word Nnoitra made his way towards the exit door, not caring if Neliel banged her head against the glass window since she insisted on clinging to him.

()()()

Like A TV Drama

Later that night…

Nnoitra returned to the shop

Ichi was by the cash register chatting with another male who definitely did not fit in the same category as the other fruits.

So clearly this guy was not an employee but a customer or friend of Ichi's-correction a close friend what with the way he was practically devouring the berry with green-gray eyes.

The guy was not only tall but muscular-very muscular-probably a body builder. His hair was wild, black and unkempt. Face was covered with jagged lines-scars really.

Nnoitra quickly concluded that this guy (although shorter than him) was not some one he should mess with.

No he was not intimidated. As If! But Nnoitra wasn't an idiot either. This guy could probably break a few bones just by poking a person.

He could probably put Nnoitra in the hospital-not with out a good fight to the near death first though.

Still-Why did Ichi seem so at ease and happy around this guy?

Nnoitra had never really considered the possibility that the berry might be seeing someone but then again it wouldn't be that big of a surprise.

Anyone with a brain and a healthy libido wouldn't be able to deny the beauty that was his pet.

Yes HIS pet-competition or not-Ichi was his to have-his to hold-his to—

Apparently not quite.

'_No no what are you doing? Don't climb over the counter! Don't put your arms around him-don't!'_

No longer able to just stand by the entrance of the store and watch Nnoitra marched over to the couple.

()()()()

Only to find that his interference was clearly not necessary.

It appeared that the happy couple was saying goodbye.

"You hold a special piece of my heart, one that no other can ever have but things have changed-

The berry pulled away from the wild looking man.

It was pointless. Since the wild man just stepped forward to close the distance once more.

"No they haven't. I know you still want me. I know you still dream of me."

"Well I-" Ichi's gaze was on the floor.

The wild man shook his head "You can't lie to me Ichigo. I can see it-I felt it just now when you-

When the berry looked up again his eyes were wide and then he shook his head and pulled away from the dark haired man. "No! No this has to stop. I can't be with someone who doesn't love me."

"But I do love you." The wild man insisted.

Ichi continued to shake his head "No you don't! Not in the ways I want you to love me," a small smirk "Not to say that I don't enjoy that kind of love too but I need more. Please Kenpachi just let it go."

"Never."

Well this was a lot like walking on to the set of some tv drama.

Classic break up scenario-or something close to it anyway.

From the looks of things-it seemed Ichi had tried to break away from the wild man before but said wild man was stubborn and refused to-

"At least let me give you a ride home then."

"No. That's not necessary. I already have a ride home."

"Ride home with who?"

"It doesn't matter. I'm no longer yours so you have no reason or right to be jealous."

"Of course I'm going to be jealous." The wild man used one of his large hands to squeeze and fondle Ichi's ass. "I'm the one who had the honor of breaking this ass in."

"Kenpachi!"

The man chuckled.

"Nothing to be shy about Ichigo. Fact is Fact. Your heart may not belong to me but your ass always will!"

"Not if I become a born again virgin."

Another chuckle.

"You can't. Your ass craves cock now. Don't think I haven't heard about what happened last Thursday."

"Those bastards! They promised they wouldn't tell."

"Why try to keep it a secret anyway-you said yourself we've been a part for a while so-

Ichi looked a bit embarrassed as he mumbled out "It wasn't my idea."

The man looked doubtful. "Who are you trying to convince?"

The berry let out a sigh "See this is why things didn't work out between us. You say you love me and that you'll never let another have me but then you turn right around and encourage me to join the please 'fondle and fuck my ass' parade."

Nnoitra raised a brow. He had never heard of such a parade but it sounded pretty interesting.

The man's face was serious now.

"I want you to be happy Ichigo. And if shaking your ass in front of millions makes you feel better, then by all means go for it!" "But don't ever sell yourself short. Make it clear to all of them that they have to earn your ass. And if they don't?" The man was now wearing a grin that promised pain and possible loss of limb "I'll come after them!"

"The sad part is I know you're serious. And I-damn it Kenpachi if only you would just p-

Large fingers silenced the berry.

"Marriage is not my style Ichigo. Though the idea of you in a little apron cooking my meals and cleaning my house does sound quite tempting."

"Shame on you Kenpachi you know damn well I cook in the buff." The berry carried a teasing tone now.

The man laughed. "My mistake."

Nnoitra hadn't felt blood rush to his nose since he was a young teen but the idea of his pet parading around naked in his kitchen was just so damn—

The sound of a slap pulled Nnoitra away from his thoughts…

"You shouldn't tempt a beast Ichigo."

Ichi smirked "Says the beast who came after me."

The two men laughed.

"Guess I should get going."

"Yeah you should."

"Or else you'll do what?"

"Oh no you're not getting an freebies from me this time Kenpachi."

"Freebies?"

The berry shook his head. "Get going I told you I'm expecting someone."

"Who? The guy that's been drilling holes in the back of my skull?"

The berry looked confused "What? No I meant K-You?"

Nnoitra grinned wide when his pet finally took notice of him. "I said I'd be back, pet."

The berry grumbled something unintelligible under his breath and then returned his attention to the beast.

"When did he come in? I didn't even hear the bell."

The man shrugged. "Don't know."

The berry swept a hand through his hair "Well anyway so Renji is short on groomsman and-

"Are you asking me to be your date for Abarai's wedding Ichigo?"

"Well yeah I mean if you're not busy or anything."

The wild man laughed again. "As if I'd miss an opportunity to _dance_ with you again."

"Now Kenpachi we're not going to be doing any actual dan-

"Shh! Don't spoil the moment."

The wild man was smiling at the berry quite fondly now.

Said berry looked quite confused "What moment?"

The man didn't answer, only slapped Ichi's all too perfect ass once more.

"Ken-Kenpachi!"

Loud laughter.

"Let me know when and where and I'll be there."

Nnoitra felt quite irritated when the wild beast of a man brushed right past him with out even flinching.

He really must be losing his stuff.

The thought was most unsettling.

()()()()

Buy Me Dinner

He had to find a way to—

He heard a small laugh "Are you pouting?"

Ichi was mocking him.

Nnoitra scowled.

"Ha ha and now you-your frowning."

Nnoitra felt his patience growing thinner.

"So that guy what was he like your ex lover or something?"

Ichi leaned against the counter. A small smile was on his face. "Something like that," The orange haired male winked at him "But as you saw for yourself I'm not exactly tied down."

"Offer ya ass up to just anyone eh pet?" Nnoitra sneered. "I'm not sure I want to stick my dick in a disease invested hole."

It was the jealousy talking. Something told Nnoitra that the berry was squeaky clean all over.

The teasing smile vanished from Ichi's face.

Nnoitra became excited when he saw the berry cracking his knuckles.

If the younger male tried to hit him again this time he would be ready for it.

"Give me ya best shot Ichi."

The punk advanced, stopping just inches in front of his face.

Nnoitra noticed how delicious Ichi smelled.

The scent was oddly familiar.

He raised a brow "Women's perfume? What's next women's panties?"

The idea of his pet in a lacy thong would indeed become a reality.

All in good time.

Ichi was not amused.

His pretty brown eyes were murderous.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't knock you through the next wall."

A threat?

Why that was almost…cute-in a completely foolish way.

"Ya got lucky last time pet, you strike me and I will tear you an additional asshole."

Ichi snorted. "Try me."

"Nah tempting but I really don't feel like damaging your pretty face." Hands came up to touch the younger males' cheek. Nnoitra found it felt just as soft as it looked-if not softer.

"You're not really a woman are ya Ichi?"

It had been awhile since he last dived in a pool of pussy but—

Ichi slapped his hand away and his glare intensified "You know damn well I'm not."

Ah yes the pretty peach cock with the silver hoop and the tiny blue jewel on it.

Yes Nnoitra would keep that in his memory forevermore.

"True. Very true still-

Watching the berry flush to the roots of his ears made the teasing taunts totally worth it.

'_Ah yes this is how it should be. My pretty pet becoming a blushing mess right in front of my face."_

"Well sure it looked like a pretty cock but you know how realistic they can make a strap-on look these days so—

"Asshole."

At last the berry's fist came towards him and Nnoitra ducked. Barely a blink and the other fist came at him and again Nnoitra ducked. Next a foot came fully intending to hit his prized genitals no doubt-Nnoitra caught it and grinned at his pet "Gotta do better than that Ichi."

Ichi smirked. "I'm just getting warmed up." The berry back flipped and grabbed a set of hangers. After a second or two he threw 3 of them, aiming for Nnoitra's head.

He missed and the hangers bounced off the wall.

"That all ya got pet?"

()()()()

Flat on his back. Nnoitra hadn't been forced on his back since grade school when a girl in his class named Nemu something or other pinned him down during gymnastics-he had retaliated by chopping off her long pretty hair and leaving his baby sister's bloody tampon (Rinrin had been such a slob) in her locker. Nemu had cried and one week later left the school.

Nnoitra couldn't help but grin at the memory.

'_Ah good times.'_

But that is not the point.

The point is Nnoitra Jiruga was not used to this kind of position-usually he was the one who put others in said position but on the plus side…

The way Ichi was grinding his body against him made the moment too fucking sweet!

Still—the younger male was way too cocky for his own good-all sparkling eyes and triumphant grin.

"Let's see now what should I do with you?"

"Ya try anything funny Ichi and I swear I'll spank ya black and blue."

"Hmm," a smirk "Well maybe I'll let you do just that if-

What the fuck did he mean by if?

Nnoitra raised a brow "IF?"

"Buy me dinner."

"Buy you dinner?"

"That's correct. You want to spank me for keeping you pinned down like this right?" The berry's tone was uber playful.

"Feelin' pretty proud of yourself are ya pet? Well sorry to burst your bubble but I let you do this," a smirk "And I can reverse our positions just as easily."

"Hmm I bet you could but this isn't about you. This is about me," the berry sped up the grinding motions "Want my ass? You're going to have to earn it."

"I don't have to earn anything pet. You're already MINE!" And just like that Nnoitra flipped their positions. "I could take you right here just like this and you wouldn't be able to do a single thing about it."

The berry frowned "So then you won't by me dinner?"

()()()()

Of course Nnoitra gave in.

He just couldn't find it in his heart to say no when his pet had looked so—

But a damn salad!

That wasn't a meal.

"You really are a chick."

"No I'm not you jackass. I just prefer to eat light at dinner."

"Then why the hell are we sitting inside a steak house?"

The berry took a few sips from his water glass.

"Because my friend works here and I get a discount."

"Yeah I'll bet you do."

Ichi retaliated by kicking Nnoitra under the table. "A female friend."

"Oh a female friend huh? What kind of female friend? She the one who helped ya realize it was time to bend over like a good lil' boy?"

"So help me god Nnoitra I will stab you with this fork if you don't shut up!"

"What's the big deal Ichi? I'm only stating the facts."

The berry glared. "You won't get anywhere near my ass if you keep it up."

"I already told ya pet, your ass is mine with or without your consent."

The berry looked a little uneasy "So you're a rapist?"

"I'm not a rapist pet although," a grin "The very idea gets you off just a little bit doesn't it. A practical stranger like me taking you dry right here right now."

The berry's face went blank.

He reached into his pocket, pulled out a wad of cash, slammed it on the table and stormed away.

WTF?

'_Perhaps I went too far this time."_

Nnoitra frowned as he fingered the bill.

Well damn how was he supposed to know that Ichi was more sensitive then he originally appeared to be.

FUCK!

Now he had to go another night without getting a taste of berry pie.

DOUBLE FUCK!

His cell phone was buzzing.

No doubt it was his bride to be sending him another love text.

Her last one had read.

WE'LL BE 2 GETHER 4 EVER JUST LIKE BARBIE AND KEN!

Fucking TWIT!

()()()()

The EX

Nnoitra had blown off his bride to be when they were supposed to meet for breakfast the following morning and headed towards Tesla's mansion-well it wasn't Tesla's mansion exactly-after their break up his sandy blond ex had found himself a sugar daddy.

A man by the name of Ukitake Jushiro.

Nnoitra had never met the man but according to Tesla, Ukitake had been an underwear model during his prime years.

Not that Nnoitra gave a damn about such things.

He had agreed to meet Tesla for one reason and one reason only.

They were sitting out on the deck sipping long island tea.

"What's the best way to say sorry?"

Tesla looked like a kicked puppy "Is that the only reason you came over? To ask me for advice on how you should win over some new cheap piece of ass."

"Hey don't talk about my pet like that!"

Tesla sunk down in his seat and crossed his arms.

"Oh fine, forgive me Nnoitra-sama I didn't mean to insult your latest bitch."

Nnoitra narrowed his eyes at the blond.

The blond swallowed hard and sunk even lower in his seat "Uh sorry Nnoitra-sama I just-I just miss you so much!"

Quite with out warning the blond climbed over the little table and attempted to climb in Nnoitra's lap.

"Please take me back!"

This was pathetic.

"You fucking fool get off me!"

Tesla shook his head and started clinging to him.

He was almost as bad as Neliel-no he was worse because he knew better.

"I'll give you to the count of 3 Tesla and if you're not off me before the time is up I will—

The blond slid off him and returned to his seat.

And changed the subject "So how are the wedding preparations coming along?"

"I didn't come here to talk about my ditzy bride and you know it. So just shut up and tell me how I can win forgiveness."

"Why should I help you?"

"Because I gave you the best 3 years of your pathetic little life you stupid shit. You owe me."

The blonds' eyes glazed over for a moment. No doubt he was recalling said 3 years.

"Focus. There will be plenty of time to recreate all of those memories with your sugar daddy later."

Tesla sighed. "Yeah but he'll never be you."

Nnoitra grinned. "Damned right he won't. But hey look at the Brightside, now that you're with Ukitake you can spend the whole day grooming yourself."

A sigh "What exactly did you do to offend this new quest of yours?"

"Never mind that. Just tell me how I can make it up to him."

"Well every time we got into a fight you would buy me a new pair of shoes."

"Shoes? That's your advice?"

"Well it worked for me."

"Yeah well this isn't about you."

"I don't know then why don't you just give him the single greatest fuck of his life.

Fat chance of that happening-at least at the moment.

"The guy wouldn't even look at me."

"Alright then my next suggestion is the mother route."

"Mother route?"

What the fuck was Telsa talking about.

"Charm the mother, win him over."

That was actually a pretty damn good idea. Get in good with the rents and get in good with the berry.

"I have no idea where he or his mother lives."

Tesla snorted, "Has that ever stopped you before?"

"Heh, good point. Well I guess I'd better go harass old man Kariya for information."

"Can I come along?"

Bad idea. Kariya hated Tesla. Still-

"Fine. But just sit there like a good little puppy and let me do all the talking."

()()()()()()

Oh the happy bride and the cured 'father'

Sagittarius was a lucky sign. Yes yes Nnoitra had heard this many times.

Sadly the books lied for he was a Sagittarius and had the absolute worst luck.

Why oh why did—

"Babe!" Neliel squeaked in surprised delight when Nnoitra pulled up in the driveway.

He heard Tesla mumble beside him "You mean to tell me that your father thinks that _thing_ is better than me?"

Nnoitra didn't bother to answer when the answer was so clearly obvious.

Forcing a well-practiced grin on his face, Nnoitra parked and stepped out of the vehicle.

He noticed that Neliel wasn't the only one there.

At her side was old man Kariya looking better than ever.

"So glad to see you son. The most amazing thing happened this morning," a dramatic pause "The doctor called and guess what? I'm not dying after all. It was just a bad case of the flu, funny huh?"

Nnoitra was not laughing.

He wanted to punch the bastard but then it occurred to him "Then the wedding is no longer necessary?"

Kariya shook his head, "Don't be ridiculous. Of course the wedding is still happening." He wrapped an arm around Neliel and smiled at her fondly "I always wanted another daughter."

Neliel beamed and Nnoitra felt like hurling.

"So what brings you here?"

"I need some information on one of the employees over at Lux Tux."

()()()()()()

The Goat and the Non-Goat

A few days later…

Short black hair, with a face like a goat, underneath a white lacy apron there was bright purple and pink floral shirt, khaki pants and brown sandals.

Okay so Ichi's mom was a dyke?

An ugly dyke.

"Good morning!"

A _loud_ ugly dyke.

Well this was a bit unexpected but it's not like it mattered-much.

Looks aside this was the woman Nnoitra had to win over.

Plastering on a grin that could rival the models in the Colgate commercials Nnoitra introduced himself. "Hi I'm sorry for just dropping in on you in the early morning like this but I was hoping I could talk to Ichi for a few minutes."

With out much warning the ugly goat woman got down on her knees and started wailing. "Why doesn't he tell me these things? I'm his father. Doesn't he love me anymore? Why?"

Nnoitra raised a brow.

Er um right so not only was she an ugly dyke but she was an over emotional ugly dyke.

The woman made old man Kariya look like a prized gem in comparison-at least in Nnoitra's opinion.

"Whyyyyyyy?" The woman cried out once again.

Nnoitra heard the sound of footsteps.

"Isshin what's all the commotion about? Is somebody at the door."

Voice, soft and melodious.

Like an angel if such things existed that is.

The owner of the voice came in to view and finally things started making sense.

Long flowing brass and copper colored hair, soft brown eyes with specs of gold, peach toned skin, a lighter shade than the berry himself but peach nonetheless. The woman was dressed in a Kelly green blouse, a knee length skirt and open toed heels.

This woman was Ichi's real mother so that would mean the ugly goat on the floor was Ichi's father.

Sad world!

The woman smiled at him "Please do come in um what is your name?"

"Nnoitra Jiruga. I'm here to-a pause-he couldn't state his real reason for being here-so a smooth lie rolled off his lips "Actually I'm a new employee over at LuxTux and Ichi was showing me the ropes."

The woman's eyes sparkled playfully "I see."

"So anyway we were supposed to get together and discuss-

The woman put her hands on her hips "Just how stupid do you think I am?"

Nnoitra blinked. So the woman hadn't bought his bullshit for a minute eh?

Well that was interesting.

The woman stepped to the side so he could enter the house.

She sized him up.

"How old are you Nnoitra-kun? Twenty One?"

Close.

"Twenty Two actually. Wait you're not trying to tell me Ichi is a minor, are you?"

Not that it would stop Nnoitra. 15 or 51 that ass belonged to him!

"He just turned 18 this past July."

Score!

"If you want to date my son you should just come out and say it."

"Well I-(damn it why was he having such a difficult time pulling out his infamous smooth talker persona?) "Is he a vegetarian?"

"Nope." the woman smiled "Ichigo has appreciation for all types of food."

"Then why did he order nothing but a side salad for dinner? Is he one of those selective eaters?"

Why was he wasting time asking such a stupid question? Nnoitra didn't really give a damn what his pet preferred to eat did he?

"What ever gave you that idea Nnoitra-kun?"

"Well we went to a steak house and that is the only thing he ordered."

"Hmm well perhaps he just felt like eating a light dinner, didn't want to empty your wallet."

"He paid."

"Oh um well then-

"Look uh Kurosaki-san I am interested in Ichi but he's kind of well-I did something to anger him and now he won't talk to me."

The woman snickered behind her hand.

"My, my well I suppose I could give you the address to his apartment."

The goat on the floor stood up and protested. "No! Absolutely not! Ichigo is my one and only son and I won't have you giving out his private information to some strange kid in a beret."

Nnoitra felt the vein above his brow twitch.

_Kid?_

The woman rolled her eyes. "Oh Isshin stop being ridiculous Nnoitra-kun is practically harmless right Nnoitra-kun?"

Well not exactly but seeing as he was trying to charm the woman.

Nnoitra nodded. "I wouldn't dream of harming one hair on Ichi's head. You have my word."

()()()()()()

The Bunny Lover

For the early morning hours there was quite a lot of noise coming from the apartment.

When a large television came flying out of the window on the top floor, followed by laughter and howling-Nnoitra was reminded of his college years during rush week.

He hadn't cared much for the whole band of brothers, let's all live up each other's asses routine but on the plus side-wait! There was no plus side.

Shaking his head in order to drive the memories back into the little crook in the back of his brain.

"Hey are you just going to stand out there all day or are you going to come up?"

Nnoitra looked up to find…

A woman.

Glossy black hair framing a small snow-white vanilla face, wide silver blue eyes, dressed in a fluffy pink sweater and blue jeans, sticking her head out of the window on the second floor.

"Hello earth to Mr. French!"

Damn. He knew he should've left the beret behind. Still-who was this chick-was she one of Ichi's roommates?

()()()()

She was kind enough to let him come up even though he hadn't even given her his name yet.

The raven-haired woman sat down on the couch and encouraged Nnoitra to do the same.

When he remained standing, she shrugged and propped her bunny slipper feet on top of the coffee table. She took a moment or two to study him. "So I've never seen you around here before. Are you new to this neighborhood?"

Small talk.

How Nnoitra absolutely hated small talk.

Still this woman hadn't thrown herself at him so she obviously wasn't all that bad.

He saw no reason to be rude.

"I'm looking for Ichi. Is he here?"

Her eyes sparkled. "What no name?" she held out a hand and introduced herself as "I'm Rukia and you are?"

Before Nnoitra had a chance to answer another voice, male, cut him off.

"Rukia who are you talking to?"

The voice seemed to be coming from the next room.

The woman who had been identified as Rukia laughed, "I'm trying to find that out right now so hush."

Silence.

A small smile "Now then what were you about to say?"

Deciding this would probably take a while he sat down and gave her his name "I'm Nnoitra."

"Nnoitra huh?" she furrowed her brows "Now why does that sound vaguely familiar?"

He watched as the woman sat there no doubt having some sort of inner monologue session with herself.

After a moment or two she shouted, "That's it!" and then turned to him. "So you're interested in Ichigo?"

Her voice was casual.

Nnoitra grinned. "I'm very interested in Ichigo. We had a bit of a misunderstanding the last time I saw him and I'm here to apologize."

"I see," she leaned so far over he could practically taste what she had for breakfast "Well before I let you see sleeping beauty we need to go over a few rules."

Rules?

Oh great just what he needed.

A lecture.

"Home by midnight? That sort of thing?" Nnoitra quipped.

The woman was amused but shook her head. "No nothing like that. When I say rules I'm talking about how you treat him."

"How I should treat him?"

"Ichigo is not some toy for you to play with and then toss into the trash when you no longer have an interest in him. He is not some delicate flower-a smirk-on the contrary he likes a bit of wild and ruff in a man. He has a very close relationship with his mother but you dare call him a mama's boy and you might just wake up to find that you've been stripped of your own masculinity.

He is not big on commitment but trust. Yes trust is very important to him. In addition family and friends are also very important to him. Never crowd or suffocate him. Give him space. Don't confuse giving him space with ignoring him.

You do that and you will have one very unhappy berry on your hands. Not to mention one very pissed off best friend and that would be me, to deal with. So if you can follow the rules then I will give you the go ahead and if you can't well-" a pause "there's the door."

Nnoitra hated being lectured but this could actually be a good thing.

If this woman really was Ichi's best friend he could learn a lot.

"Tell me more."

()()()()()

Rukia talked for a good half hour or more before finally falling silent.

She stood up seemingly satisfied.

"I'll let you see him now but remember you have to whisper. Ichigo can be really cranky when he first wakes up and he doesn't like a lot of noise."

Hmm-something he had in common with his pet.

Although Nnoitra had no problems waking up long before the sun would rise, he didn't appreciate the loud and obnoxious types.

It was one of the reasons things hadn't worked out with him and Tesla, the blond had had habit of turning the radio or the television up to the highest volume in the wee hours of the morning. Nnoitra had broken more than 5 sets of speakers in less than 2 months because he couldn't handle such racket.

"Trust me it won't be a problem."

"Good," a grin "I'll leave you to it then."

()()()()()()

RED

Nnoitra tiptoed on the soft carpet.

The bedroom window was open a crack, a light breeze rustling the stack of papers on the desk.

The figure on the bed shifted slightly and pulled his blanket higher up to his chest.

Bit by bit Nnoitra neared closer and closer to said figure.

Watching another person sleep.

Not just a person-his pet.

He was watching his pet sleep.

It was sort of like invading the younger males' privacy.

During the waking hours people had shields up and masks on but in sleep—they were exposed, raw, vulnerable.

Ichi didn't look vulnerable exactly.

But he did look a bit softer, relaxed.

Less likely to attack Nnoitra for barging into his private sanctuary like this.

Less likely to sock Nnoitra in the face for crawling into bed next to him.

Less likely to protest when Nnoitra wrapped his long limbs around his pet's waist.

He wasn't doing anything perverted.

Just enjoying the natural warmth that radiated off of Ichi's body.

Taking a few minutes to memorize this moment and-

"Rukia I told you I'd go to bunny palace with you now let me sleep."

Nnoitra snickered "Sorry to burst ya bubble Ichi but I'm not Rukia."

Cinnamon and Coffee colored orbs shot wide open. Ichi bolted up right and struggled to break free from the hold.

"No can do pet, we need to talk."

The berry ignored Nnoitra and continued to struggle against the hold.

"Let go of me! I don't know how you got here or hell why you're even here but y-

"Shh Ichi-pet there's no need for all this-

"Shut up you damn-mph!"

Nnoitra hadn't meant to kiss the berry.

Though he certainly wasn't regretting it but still-he really hadn't meant to do this-not with out permission but he couldn't really be blamed could he?

Not when Ichi provoked him with those reddened cheeks and angry scowl.

He had to show his pet that he was good-or rather that they could be could together.

Had to show Ichi that he was more than a-

"Hey Ichigo man do mind if I borrow your s-ah shit! Damn it I told you to warn a guy when you plan to gah-never mind I'll just—

"MphrrRenji wait!"

Nnoitra did not care for spectators but now that he had his pet right where he wanted him he didn't give a damn who or what happened-nothing would stop him.

Though Ichi was doing fine job of trying to-struggling against his hold, pulling at his hair, attempting to elbow him the chest-

"No its cool man really, I mean love is love or whatever er uh yeah just uh make sure your lover stays in your bathroom this time I don't want to—damn where'd you find that guy anyway he's huge er height wise I mean uh not that I'm looking or anything cuz—

"Argg I didn't-I mean he's- no damn it get off me!"

His pet was so aggressive, so desperate to get away from him, probably wishing the tattooed redhead would drag him away and-

"Hey uh Ichigo man you're kinda nude right now and wow so it really is natural ah uh shit man its not what it-

"Shut up Renji I don't c-"

"No really man I don't-I'm not gay!"

Ichi finally managed to pull away from Nnoitra. And quickly wrapped his bed sheets around him "Yeah okay whatever can you just like go away now or something."

The redhead was tripping over his large feet in order to get to the door "Uh yeah sure I mean uh-please don't tell Rukia about this she'd never-

Nnoitra had seen and heard enough "Tell ya what Red, if I get Ichi pet to agree to do a little strip tease you can come and watch."

"Huh? I-what no man I-

Both Ichi and the redhead were brighter than a freshly painted fire hydrant.

Nnoitra was laughing like a hyena.

Who would've thought the morning would turn out to be so amusing?

()()()()()

Berry and The Bride 

Nnoitra had it all planned out.

The berry had accepted his apology.

The berry had agreed to come over to his house.

The berry was going to become his in 3, 2, 1…

"Babe what are you doing home so soon? I thought you had a few errands to run first?"

Fucking Hell Not Again!

Why did Neliel always have to be around when he was about to-

No never mind that-how had she managed to get into his house?

Damn it!

Old man Kariya must have given the annoying twit a key of her own.

Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!

"Oh my gosh Itsugo is that you? I had no idea you would be here. How have you been? How is your family? Did your mother enjoy the care package I sent her? And what about Zan? His 50th birthday is coming up soon isn't it?"

Um OKAY. WTF?

Why was Neliel talking to his pet like he was a long time friend of hers?

And why was his pet suddenly lifting the bride to be up and spinning her around in circles.

And why the hell were the two of them grinning at each other.

Last time Nnoitra checked Neliel was a stupid twit who didn't care about anything outside of her sickening obsession with Barbie.

And Ichi was a simple tailor at a tuxedo shop, the same tailor that Neliel had been incredibly rude to just a few days ago.

And hell during their second encounter-Neliel hadn't recognized the berry at all so why now—

"Babe is something wrong?"

Nnoitra frowned.

Sure Ichi was dressed more casual today. A simple t-shirt and jeans and no eye liner but it wasn't a big enough difference to-

"Babe?"

"You two know each other?"

Neliel giggled, "Of course we know each other silly, Itsugo and I went to boarding school together."

Boarding school?

"So what brings you here?" Neliel asked cocking her head to the side in curiosity.

The berry shrugged. "Not sure exactly. Why don't you ask him that?"

The sea-green haired bride to be turned to Nnoitra "Babe when did you meet Itsugo?"

"A few days ago."

A blink "Really? Where?"

"Over at LuxTux."

"Really?"

"You were there too Neliel."

Just how dumb was she?

"I was? Really? Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure."

"Hm I don't know maybe it was just someone who looked like Itsugo or maybe-

"No it was him."

"Really?"

How many times did he have to repeat himself?

"Yes?"

Neliel looked confused. "Did you see me Ichi?"

The berry nodded.

Neliel punched him in the arm. "You idiot! Why didn't you tell me?"

The berry shrugged. "Don't know I guess I figured you were just messing around or something."

"Messing around?"

The berry nodded again. "Yeah, you used to do it all the time when we were younger remember?"

Uh what?

Just how long had these two known each other?

()()()()()()

"He he he and remember the summer where Kaze and Maru set the stink bombs off at that fancy garden party?"

"Ah. My aunt was so angry at them."

"Yeah but your uncle wasn't."

"Nah uncle Kaien is perhaps the best prankster of his era."

"He he he you said it. Hey Nnoitra, babe why don't you put down the bottle of wine for a minute and come sit and talk to me and Itsugo."

Um how bout not!

Damn Neliel why did she have to steal his pet away from him?

Couldn't she find something else to do with her time?

"Babe, what's wrong? Are you not feeling well?"

Nnoitra took a few swigs from his wine bottle and then turned "I'm taking a nap. Don't break anything."

()()()()()()

Date Revisited

It was late in the evening when Nnoitra woke up.

His head was throbbing and even the smallest lamp in the house seemed too damn bright.

As he stumbled out of his bedroom and made his way into the kitchen for a glass of water or a cup of coffee (he hadn't decided which one yet) he failed to notice the other occupant in the room.

It wasn't until he heard that familiar slight rasp-

"Is this how you spend all of your afternoons? Getting drunk and then sleeping until nightfall?"

At first Nnoitra figured he was probably just seeing things or dreaming but then-

"Hey about what I said before I mean if you're really involved with Nel, if you're getting married I won't-I mean-look I'm not in the habit of breaking up couples so-

What the fuck was the berry babbling about?

"We're not a couple."

"You're not?"

Again it was probably the remaining traces of the wine talking but Nnoitra could swear his pet sounded kind of hopeful.

"Our arrangement, the wedding, its has nothing to do with love or being a couple."

"Then-

"My-I guess you could call him my old man but truthfully he's not even that," Nnoitra sighed as he made his way over to the refrigerator. He opened the door and pulled out two bottles of water, tossing one to the berry. "Anyway he's hell bent on making my life as miserable as possible so he made arrangements for us to marry."

"And you agreed?"

"Didn't have much choice."

Ichi raised a brow, "Funny you don't seem like the type to follow orders," he twisted the cap open, put the bottle to his lips and took a few sips. "You're really gonna go through with it?"

Excellent question.

Nnoitra gulped down half the bottle before answering "Not sure yet."

"I don't understand how can you-never mind why I mean-look Fooling around is no big deal or anything its just-" the berry trailed off and continued sipping his water.

Nnoitra took a few minutes to study his pet.

What exactly was Ichi trying to say?

"Bonds they mean something to me you know?"

Well yes and no. Thanks to Ichi's friend Rukia, Nnoitra had some clue as to what the berry was talking about but still-

"Why did you storm off the other night? Did you honestly believe that I'm capable of being that sick and twisted?"

"Well I don't exactly know you-I mean we just met and you're always creeping up on me and saying these things and-

"It's all part of the game pet. The same game you yourself were playing."

"No that was-I mean-

"Look Ichi if you're looking for some suave Casanova you won't find it here-

"I'm not."

"If you're worried that you've met some Jack the Ripper re-incarnate I can assure that you h-

"That's not what I think at all."

"Then what do you think?"

Brown eyes met black.

"The only thing I know is that I'm attracted to you."

Well that was a start.

A very good start actually.

"Not just your looks I mean-I don't know-you just-there's something-okay look all I can say is this: Fooling around is fine and all but I-

"You?"

"Forget it you're going to just think I'm stupid, make fun of me again and-

"No I won't."

Or at least Nnoitra would try his best not to.

The berry shook his head.

"Let's just start over," a small smile "Buy me dinner?"

()()()()()

"Promise you'll eat more than a salad this time?"

"What's wrong with salad?"

"It's not a meal."

"It can be. It all depends on what you add to it."

"Look pet I'm picking out the place this time and trust me you won't want salad."

"Really? Where are we going?"

It was time to pull out the romance card.

"Somewhere nice, quiet, trust me pet you'll like it."

()()()()()

Black sky.

A bright crescent moon.

Pure white sand.

Stretching for miles and miles.

It was difficult to tell where it stopped and where it began.

Without a proper lantern or flashlight one could easily slip and fall into the quick sand and die.

Course there was no reason to think of such depressing thoughts.

Nnoitra had been here many times.

He knew this place like the back of his hand.

A man made desert in the middle of nowhere.

Not many were even aware that such a place existed.

It certainly wasn't listed on an ordinary map or search engine.

And not just anyone was welcome here.

The fox, the girl and their high and mighty lord had seen to it.

And when Nnoitra had a met them a little over 5 years ago he'd sworn that he would never bring another here.

But Ichi wasn't just anyone.

His pet was special and Nnoitra had a good feeling that the three creators/guardians would agree.

He shifted the sleeping berry in his arms (Ichi had dozed off on the way) and set off down the hidden path that would lead him to the underground kingdom.

()()()()()

The berry was really too damn cute when he woke up.

The way he bolted up right, eyes darting around the room like a frightened animal in the forest.

Nnoitra grinned and pulled out a chair. "Have a seat."

Ichi looked confused "Where are w-

"Welcome to Hueco Mundo, pet!"

"Hueco Mun-wait! I thought that was just a rumor."

"No rumors or illusions here. Well maybe a few illusions but what good is a romantic evening with out a little magic."

"Well put Nnoitra, Aizen-sama will be most pleased."

"Hmm we seem ta be forgetting one thing though," a pause "Seems yer have brought some one new to our little palace."

"Uh who the hell are you people?"

Nnoitra cringed. It wasn't good for his pet to talk to the girl and the fox like that.

"Uh Ichi, pet you really shouldn't s-

The girl turned up her nose at the berry "Just what we need, another foul mouthed bleached freak!."

Ichi glared at the girl."

"Hmm seems ta me yer haven't quite tamed this one yet have ya Nnoi-kun?"

"He's new but trust me Ichi pet is not as rude as he is leading you to believe right pet?"

"Nnoitra what the hell is all this? I thought you were taking me to dinner?" the berry hissed.

"This is dinner or rather it will be."

"What?"

Nnoitra wasn't getting anywhere like this.

He had to do something quick or else the official second date would be shot to hell.

"Hina-chan, Gin-san would you mind giving me a minute with my pet?"

()()()()()()

"So let me see if I get this straight. We're in an underground palace hidden in the middle of some desert and the fox and the self proclaimed high and mighty over lord are actually retired business tax accountants?"

"Retired business tax accountants who spend their free time making fine cuisines and making out with each other, yes."

"Wait a minute! Are you saying that those guys are-?"

"In a relationship, yep."

"Uh and you know this how?"

Nnoitra laughed. "It's pretty obvious pet."

"And the girl?"

"She's their love child."

The berry furrowed his brows "But why go through all this just to take me to dinner?"

"I told you we were going somewhere special."

Ichi grinned knowingly "Oh I see, I get it now. This is another one of your games. All right well it's certainly different from anything else but-

"But what pet?"

"Well I still really want a salad."

()()()()()

There were standing outside of the berry's apartment.

Well not standing exactly-it was more like Nnoitra was groping his pet and trying to shove his way inside.

No such luck.

Ichi's foot was blocking the door and no matter what Nnoitra did it was not budging.

"So you're not going to invite me in?"

Shit! Had he always sounded this whiny in the past?

The berry shook his head "Nah I think you've had enough excitement for one evening."

"Ah come on Ichi you can't just leave me all-Nnoitra grabbed the berry's hand and placed it on his clothed erection "Feel that? That can be all yours pet if you just-

The berry silenced him with a kiss "Shh! Good things come to those who wait."

Nnoitra was sorely disappointed.

"I'm going to start calling you a tease pet.

The berry grinned, "I'm not a tease but my ass doesn't come for free."

Free?

"You ordered a salad that almost cost 50 dollars."

"Hey you're the one who said I could order what ever I wanted and I wanted a salad."

"I just don't get you pet."

"Not yet," cinnamon and coffee brown eyes danced "But you will."

()()()()()

Curtains

Something heavy was lying on top of him.

Nnoitra had no idea what that something might be.

He wished it was his pet.

But one) The berry wasn't heavy and 2) The berry had declined his offer last night so that could only leave…

"Morning, babe."

Neliel. Fuck? What the hell was she-oh yeah that's right his bastard of an old man gave her a key.

Damn it!

When he did not return her greeting she whined and rolled off of him.

Only to get back on a moment or two later and attempt to pounce on him.

Among other things Neliel had terrible aim because instead of landing on him, she wound up landing on the bedpost itself.

Had she been a male she'd be howling right about now.

Landing right on her crotch and all

As it was…Neliel merely let out a squeak of surprise and then giggled at her own stupidity.

"How silly of me."

Nnoitra rolled his eyes and moved off the bed.

He didn't even bother to check and see if his bride to be was okay before he excited the bedroom.

()()()()

Old man Kariya was sitting at the kitchen table sipping coffee from his mug.

Nnoitra scowled.

'_Bastard that's my favorite cup.'_

Said bastard had the nerve to grin at him. "Morning son."

Nnoitra ignored the greeting and shuffled over to the counter where he then selected a piece of fruit from the basket.

He never cared much for peaches in the past but now that he had met Ichi he liked to entertain himself with the image of-

"Nnoitra are you even listening to me?"

The old man was talking to him?

"What?"

"I asked you why you haven't selected Neliel's engagement or wedding rings yet?"

Rings?

What the hell did he care about some stupid rings?

"That's because I selected them."

Nnoitra turned at the new voice…

The bride to be entered the kitchen just then looking almost presentable for once in her leopard print pajamas and matching slippers. Her long sea-green hair was held back by numerous clips and her skin had a healthy glow to it.

It made him realize something.

Made him realize how badly he wanted to be elsewhere…or rather

He imagined for a moment that it was Ichi standing there and not her-and decided that he would have to purchase some type of leopard print outfit for his pet.

The wedding was only 48 hours away-he needed to end things now.

He needed to

"Sit down Neliel, we need to talk."

()()()()()

Thank heavens that there were no tears!

All and all Neliel had taken it quite well.

Old man Kariya on the other hand…

"We've been over this Nnoitra, I do not care what you do after this but the wedding must go on. No, the wedding will go on!"

()()()()()

They were in the living room and Neliel was flipping though a magazine while Nnoitra stared off into space.

Oh how he wanted to be anywhere but here.

"So babe now that our wedding is back on I was thinking we should expand our guest list and invite Itsugo."

At the mention of his pet Nnoitra's mood brightened a bit.

Still he had to make Neliel understand that things hadn't changed. He didn't care what Old man Kariya said.

"I'm not marrying you Neliel. I'll give you whatever you want, whatever makes you happy but the wedding is off."

Her mascara smeared as she wiped the tears at the corners of her eyes. "But you can't do that."

"I just did."

"But babe," she moved off the sofa and walked over to him "What about Italy and France and-

He was already walking out the door before she was able to complete her sentence.

Nnoitra never expected for her to be so persistent and come after him.

()()()()

"Nnoitra come back!"

He cringed and quickened his pace.

()()()()()()

That evening…

"Funny I've heard of the runaway bride but a runaway groom?"

Nnoitra was glad his pet was amused instead of angered.

The berry was in the process of hanging up a set of curtains.

Ichi had explained that it had been pulled down earlier that morning when an over enthusiastic young high school couple decided it would be fun to turn the curtains into togas and then wear them to their prom instead of the cliché gown and tuxedo.

"It wasn't a bad idea but these are custom made 1800 dollar curtains."

"Who the hell would spend that much money on some damn curtains?"

The very notion was ridiculous to Nnoitra.

"My manager. He built this shop from the ground up. Almost everything you see in here is a part of his private collection."

"Wait a minute you're telling me that the guy collects curtains?"

"Not only collects, he selects the patterns, fabrics and-

"Okay, okay I get it. Anyway you seem to be struggling a but there pet, need a hand."

Truthfully he just wanted an excuse to put his hands on the berry again.

"No I'm perfectly capable of hanging up a few curtains."

()()()()()

1 hour later…

Ichi had discarded both his jacket and his vest. Sweat was pouring off his face and glaring at the innocent set of curtains that refused to stay up.

Nnoitra was quite amused.

"Give it up pet, you've lost this battle."

The berry ignored him and resumed his pointless task.

Nnoitra sat down on one of the vanity couches in the corner of the store "Can I ask you somethin' Ichi?"

"Sure."

"Why here? I mean you're still pretty young. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life in a place like this?"

The berry set the curtains down for a minute and turned to answer the question "Not really. This is just a temporary thing, a favor to my mother."

"I met your mother, she's a smart woman."

Ichi smiled at the mention of his mother. "I learned almost everything I know from her."

"Oh?" Nnoitra raised a curious brow "Is she a seamstress or a designer or something?"

The berry shook his head. "No she's a pianist."

"Really then why aren't you working in a music shop or something?"

The berry shrugged "I go where I am needed."

Nnoitra considered the orange haired male's words for a moment "I need you pet, come to me." He patted his lap encouraging the berry to join him.

()()()()()

"No one else is coming right pet?"

"Nope just us."

"Good. Now go close the blinds and then bring your pretty ass back over to me."

()()()()()

Nnoitra had already made up his mind. Before he did anything else with his pet he wanted to taste that pretty pierced cock.

"Remember when you said and I quote 'Sure you talk a big game but I'm not sure you'd even know how to handle me'."

"Actually what I said was-'Well you're certainly a big talker but I'm not sure I'm fully convinced that you'd even know how to touch me'."

"My mistake," Nnoitra's brow twitched. He didn't enjoy being corrected.

"Hmm well no one's perfect," the berry's tone was playful and teasing. He licked around Nnoitra's collarbone, giving a few nips before pulling away and setting his sights elsewhere. "Going to prove me wrong are you?" as he said this his hands slid underneath Nnoitra's shirt, fingertips not dancing but gliding up and down the older man's back.

And Nnoitra loved every minute of it the berry's touch was soft yet firm, a lot like a massage.

Still-he couldn't get distracted when there was something else he'd much rather be doing.

The berry's mouth was at his ear "Take this off."

Nnoitra did not take orders-he gave them. He nipped along his pet's perfect jaw line and said "You first."

Ichi shook his head. "I'm afraid I can't do that."

When the berry tried to be sneaky and reach for Nnoitra's belt, Nnoitra grabbed his hands "No pet, not yet."

The berry pouted "Why not? You've already seen me naked twice but I have yet to see y-mph!"

Nnoitra just had to claim those lips again, those perfect peach lips, slide his tongue into his pet's sweet, sweet mouth, delight in the sounds Ichi made when he tugged lightly at his tongue with his teeth.

A natural multitasker from birth, Nnoitra unfastened Ichi's pants and pulled down Ichi's underwear all in one go.

He enclosed his hand around the berry's half erect organ, giving it quick strokes and easily bringing his pet close to the edge-only to stop!

Ichi broke their heated kiss in order to glare at his "Bastard! Why did you stop?"

"Because," Nnoitra grinned "There is a much more fun way to bring you to the edge and beyond."

The berry climbed off of him, arms crossed "Hop to it then!"

()()()()()

Lips and tongue just hovering above the Ichi's pretty hole.

"What do you think pet should I give this little bud of yours some special attention or-

"Or what the hell do you mean or?"

Nnoitra snickered and looked up at his pet "Now, now Ichi that's not very. I mean I'm down on my knees here being kind enough to properly prepare you for what's to come and you're glaring at me?"

The berry's glare intensified "Either do something or I'll finish it myself."

"Hmm well if you say so."

Only Nnoitra did not return to the berry's hole-no he had something else in mind.

That piercing, the tiny little hoop with the tiny little blue jewel-he had fantasized about licking his pet's pretty peach little head more times than he could count-and now that the opportunity had arrived-he was going to do it.

()()()()

Nnoitra was no amateur. He didn't choke but easily swallowed the endless flowing river of cum.

()()()()()()

"So tell me pet did you enjoy that?"

"You know I did so stop looking for compliments."

Nnoitra was once again amused.

"I take it that means your ready for more?"

"I'm not letting you anywhere near my ass until you strip out of your own damn clothes!"

"Really Ichi you're being ridiculous, what does it matter if I-?

"Because if we're going to do this, I want to feel all of you against me."

As the berry said this, he discarded the rest of his clothes.

Had Nnoitra been a lesser man he would've been salivating like a dog at the sight of his pet's perfectly toned body.

Everything about Ichi was delicious. From his caramel-peach colored nipples to his tight and firm abs to his all too perfect ass.

'_What the am I doing stalling like this I should've pounced on him the moment I walked in the door'_

_()()()()()_

Nnoitra had many lovers, fuck buddies, toys, whatever term you want to use, he had it but none of them were as enthusiastic as the berry.

While he was taking off his clothes, his pet had taken matters into his own hands.

Ichi spread himself wide, slicking 4 fingers with his own saliva and then one by one pressed them into his body and stretched his hole.

Yes his pet was very in-tune with his own body it seemed. The berry didn't hold back, didn't deny himself-

Nnoitra nearly lost it-he'd never seen anything sexier in his life-and he had seen plenty of sexy things…

"That's nice pet, real nice. Why don't you bring your sweet ass over here now?"

Eyes glazed over, panting heavily, "I would but I'd much rather have you come over to me."

Nnoitra grinned, (something he did a lot of) "Well since you asked so nicely."

()()()()()

"You did a nice job prepping your pretty little cherry for me pet but I still think some proper lubing is in order."

"I don't have any on me."

"Silly Ichi, I'm talking about that funky stuff that comes in bottles."

The berry's eyes widened "No!"

"What do you mean no? There's no need to play the shy card now Ichi, not when you were practically begging me to eat your pretty little ass earlier."

"I know but-

"But what Ichi?"

"Look I'm not a damn virgin Nnoitra so just do it already!"

Nnoitra cupped his pet's pretty face, "Ichi, listen to me very carefully if I just enter you with out p-

"Shut up and fuck me already!"

"Well when you put it that w-

"Now!"

How could he say no to that?

Nnoitra grabbed both of the berry's legs and wrapped them around his neck "Ready for me pet?"

The time for teasing was over Nnoitra lined himself up to that all too perfect winking hole, gave it a nudge and then he entered in one quick thrust.

There would be plenty of time for slick and slow goodness later on…

"Sweet mother of FUCK!"

"Told ya pet."

"Shut up and move!"

Nnoitra still didn't enjoy being ordered around but-

"Your wish is my command."

It was better than he could have imagined the way his pet was clenching around him in the most delicious way.

"I've got to say Ichi I'm a little jealous."

"You jealous? Nah."

"I'm serious. The way you're sucking me in right now I feel like your ass and my dick are two peas in a fucking pod."

The berry laughed, "You're jealous of your own penis?"

"Yes."

The berry laughed even harder.

()()()()()()

Not just two or three times…no Nnoitra and his berry pet had gone at it like a marathon and didn't stop until early morning.

()()()()()()()

Articles of clothing had been discarded haphazardly around the room

2 bodies entangled in the curtains that had fallen from its track

Long bony fingers played with short orange locks. "You're really something Ichi."

Peach tinted lips curled into a smile "Glad you seem to think so. Don't think Tousen-san will think much of me though when he comes in and finds half his shop destroyed."

A snicker

"Just tell him you tripped."

A scoff

"Tch like that'd work."

A wide grin

"Trust me it will."

ENDING 1

**Bottom Notes: Okay if you would like to read the parts that were edited from this then head to my homepage… Granted its not a lot that was edited still… but I'm not taking any chances. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note: Apologies if you are disappointed or feel like you have been misled. Originally I had intended on writing Tripping Over Curtains from Ichigo's viewpoint…I even had a rough idea of how I wanted things to go but the more time passes the more I tend to forget and so there will not be another version to this story. I do however invite to check out my other fics if you haven't already done so. **

**THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME**

**~SLY~**


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